Perspective is often a funny fellow of sorts, now I am not talking about Ha, Ha funny, but strange, weird, different kind of funny – hold-on flashback!! – lol (if you don’t know what I’m talking about click HERE and go to the “Drama” tab – click on “I miss you money”). Now back to it. . . at times I am convinced he will stay (like coming back from a mission trip – or going through a trauma). . . other times I am seeking desparately for her but she is nowhere to be found. I’ve had a bit of a roller coaster with perspective over the past few weeks – and here are just some thoughts -

 1. I lost 2 tremendous friends in death, and could have been killed myself. . . . I have a baby coming in 7 weeks

2. I second guess the authenticity of comments from long-time friends . . . I trust completely in communication with an Indian comrad I met for only 2 days

3. I question God whether I am the man to potentially lead a world changing movement. . . . He says, give me your 5 loaves and 2 fish.

4. I have worked several days in a row 15 hours a day. . . . 2 of my friends lost their jobs, and another is waiting to here -

5. I have seen the despair on a Father’s face as he comes to grips with not being able to provide for his family. . . . I have seen the joy and excitement on a child’s face as Daddy comes home from work.

6. I have felt pushed close to my human capacity as if backed into a corner of a room in my own mind/heart that I have never been before. . . . but. . . in that seldom seen dark corner – I have discovered a new, very small doorway, that I had never noticed before, and it leads into a much bigger, larger, and brighter room.  

7. Jesus the only one to have every “right” to not have to “deal with people” especially those that “have issues” or a “past” or those who are “lost” . . . . was proud to be known as “friend of sinners.”

8. With #7 in mind, I am challenged by this perspective: If you want to find Jesus, spend time with the people that He spent time with.

9. I have been exhausted physically and emotionally. . . only to be reminded of  true exhaustion - through a conversation with someone who was/is lonely. . . no friends. . . no support. . . no real relationships . . . . . . to turn to cry and noone’s there to wipe away your tears.

10. Being humbled to new depths as I am faced with many “problems” of rapid growth amidst such a national tidal wave of despair. . . . I do not understand it. . . . I threw “fairness” out the window 5 weeks ago. . . . my conclusion. . . . my real, true, and only hope in any circumstance is to fall to my knees and cry out “Dad, please come and help, my family, my integrity, my marriage, my work, my relationships, my present, my future, my everything. . . . it was yours to begin with – I’m not real sure why I took it away from you, but. . . . I am giving it back now – it’s so much better off in your hands Dad.”

This is just a wonderful piece. . . I love seeing people trying to authentically guide and help other people through life

It doesn’t hurt that I am father of a soon to be 5 year old (4 days!!!)

So, I decided this morning would be a good time to buy my first ever newspaper with cash from Martin’s. . . . since I was told that the article about greenLockers may be in there today.  Sure enough. . . FRONT PAGE of the Local section – I was excited!!

Read the article HERE 

I thought that Jeff Parrott wrote a great article – well organized, and with all the essential information, so my thanks to him .

Now, we will see what happens this week – I hope that I can get some more play on some local radio stations, as well as TV.  I hope to get at least 1,000 bins on this coming Sat., but what really matters is whatever God has in mind (so, I am preparing for 10x that much if necessary).

 I just checked the 10-day forecast for Sat. 31st. . . . 29 degrees and partly sunny.  Hey, that is not too bad – everybody come on out and help greenLockers prepare to help hundreds/thousands of kids this year –  bring your bins – (THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAN!!!) - let’s see how many we can get!!

Today, I woke up feeling exhausted. . . . the grind of this week and the last has been difficult, and I think some things are catching up to me.  I am usually able to shake this off fairly easily. I typically do this by reminding myself of all the blessings that I do have (i.e., great wife, kids, etc….), how much worse off other people have it (and yet they pick themselves up and work tirelessly!), how much incredible work God has for me to do today, or what an honor it is do be able to be a professor and have the influence that I have – just to name a few.

This morning though. . . . it wasn’t happening. . . . I couldn’t shake it. Do you ever have those mornings? . . . What helps you through it?. . .For me today, I looked down on my left thumb, and was reminded of something very important. You see, my wife’s Christmas present to me this past year was a thumb ring that has engraved on it “Armor of God Ephesians 6:11” – I went ahead and read the whole passage (below) – that is just what I needed today to kick me back onto mission. . . . . God has already outfitted me for today in every way. . . there is nothing to fear. . . nothing to dread. . . time to once again engage the battle.

Just in case you needed the reminder that I received today-

Ephesians 6: 10-18 (NLT)

 10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we^[c] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

 13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.^[d] 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.^[e] 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.^[f]

I started Montessori school in Jackson, Tennessee when I was around 3, and I loved it!!!  My very first best friend in that school was a guy named Walter. I do not have a lot of memories of him other than I just loved to play with him on the playground and used to do some stuff in class with him.

But I do have one memory that is burned in my brain. He and I were leaving our classroom to walk somewhere – you know the good ol’days of single-file lines ! We were just having fun . . . joking around with each other – being silly, and then it happened. . . . . A couple of older kids were coming down the hallway towards us, and they looked at me in my eyes with disgust and said “What are you DOING!?!” . . . . . . .you see. . . . Walter was African American, and about the only one in the whole school. . . and well, . . . . where I was in Tennessee – Not everyone was ok with me being such great friends with “one of them”.

TODAY IS A BIG DAY –

When I was in sixth grade, I became friends with one of the new boys in my school named Ronnie. Once again, one of the few African Americans in my school. He and I were in the same home room class, and we hit it off well with each other. Ronnie was picked on a lot and even bullied by some of the older kids - and I just remember how angry it made me feel when they did that to him, but I was kind of round at the time, and not as bold as I am now. I remember that people would pick on him, until it was P.E. class, and then guys wanted him on their basketball team – because he could jump out of the gym. Man! did that make me mad!!!!! - and it gave Ronnie such a hard time being flipped back and forth. . . loved. . . despised. . . etc…

I remember one day one of my best friends (Scott W.) was picking on Ronnie, and I went up to Scott and threw a punch right towards his nose, but stopped about an inch away. . . . . and I told him to leave Ronnie alone.  I wish I could say things changed, but they really didn’t, and Ronnie left our school after that year. . .  a wounded boy.

TODAY IS A VERY BIG DAY –

and it is my opinion that regardless of who you voted for. . .  today is a tremendous day of hope for reconciliation, equality, and unity for all colors of people!!

Well, 6 years almost to the day. . .

What were you doing 6 years ago?  Life was a lot different me . . . just starting Graduate School at Notre Dame. . . no kids. . . absolutely no concept of what was to come.

But one night during a church service, I felt God telling me that I needed to go and help out Corey Mann with Lifeline (the name, at the time, of the high school youth group at GCC),  so that is pretty much what I told him. . . “hi, I’m Ted. . . and God told me that I am supposed to help you with the youth group” – ok. . . . sort of different – but it was the start of a wonderful 6 full years.

A week ago this past Sunday night, I said goodbye to GSM (Granger Student Ministries) and yet:

1. I was still having so much fun volunteering

2. I was still having tremendous impact with the students

3. I was still effective in my teaching times to the youth group

4. I was fully supportive of the leadership, and loved the leadership team so much -

5. I believed with all of my heart in the future of GSM and D. C. Curry

6. I got to enjoy weekly time with some of my closest friends

7. I could not have enjoyed the band’s worship any more than I was – just amazing!

Do you get the point . . . . NOTHING WAS WRONG. . . .

It is so funny that many times we assume that something must go wrong (either from one of our own mistakes or the mistakes of someone else) in order for God to pull us away from something. . . . BUT, I see no promises of that in the Bible, in fact, there are many instances when God or Jesus calls someone to transition from one good thing to another.

Rob Wegner gave a message a few weeks ago about being a laser in life – you know – the idea that if our efforts are widely dispearsed then we have little effect – BUT, if we focus our efforts on only a limited number of things then we can have tremendous impact and power (i.e., just like the focused light in a laser). . . . well, . . . God started to do something with me on that one . . .

As a prayed and wrestled with God on this a little bit, these are some things that I discovered:

1. I am no longer able to be the laser focus at GSM that I wanted and used  to be (go on all the trips, go to student’s ball games, hang out late at night, lead a small group, etc…) - largely due to some of my life circumstances (i.e., 3 soon to be 4 small children, among other things).

2. I believe God is moving me into three other areas of my life where I can be a laser (husband/Father, being a professor at Bethel, and greenLockers), and I am supposed to focus there now.

3. Though leaving is saddening, I was reminded of a saying (not sure who said it, but it is on the wall in my sister-in-law’s house ) – “Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened!”. . . . to that I say AMEN! . . .

and so I end with some of my highlights from the years – in no particular order – and this is just the start of a huge list in my head: Feel free to leave comments below with some of your favorite memories!!

1. Stephen Smith’s baptism, and a certain conversation I had with Nathan Gage on a Monday night  – both on a Mexico trip.

2. Serving with my amazing wife for 3 of the years!

3. The dresser drawer night

4. The night that I felt the spirit move so much that I taught for 1.5 hours. . . . oops

5. Without a Trace

6. Campfires at Men’s retreats. . . . all of them, but especially one at Camp Mack when a father and son were reunited

7. playing basketball down on the back porch outside the Great Room with some of my boys from Niles – that one goes way back!

8. Acquire the Fire trips!!

9. Camp Adventure. . . . way too many memories to even start!!! – - God is just so tangible there, and that main room there where we worship is pretty close to Holy ground in my book.

10. Just all of the week-in and week-out hugs and heys from everyone. . . . I may miss that the most. . . thank you for all of the love everybody. . . I will miss you tremendously, but thank you for helping me become the Man that God wants me to be. . . . . . . . . . and if God has ever used me to influence your life. . . . all I can say is – go . . . . . GO. . . . and do likewise!!

I was driving along Cleveland yesterday on the way to rehearsal at GCC for a monologue I did this weekend, and traffic was packed in the right-hand lane coming up the hill right there where SR 23 breaks off to the South by UP mall. I was in the left-hand lane cruising along at like 15 mph without a car in front of me at all (and still about 50 yards to the light) . . . . . . and then a van decides to pull out of the right lane and into the left just as I was getting ready to pass her (i.e., I must have been in her blind spot). . . . . . there was nothing that I could do – no time to dodge . . . . in an instant, I heard a crunch, and then like a bumper car was spinning into the 2 lanes of oncoming traffic. . .praise God the light had only just turned green – so the oncoming traffic had plenty of time to slow down (if the timing would have been different. . . , well, I am not sure what would have happened, but I know what could have. . . ).  I pulled into a subdivision – long story short. . . I got a relatively small dent, some scratches. . . she was 16 and freaking out – it would have been really rough for her to have that on her record already. I decided to let her go. . . . but not not without trying to help her understand that we all make mistakes, . . . really it happens to everyone – then we talked a little more and we were on our way. . . . probably never to see each other again – and I prayed to God that in some way she had felt His presence in all of this. . .

It is amazing what happens when you realize for a moment that for some reason your life was spared. . .

you ask. . . why?

and though I cannot fully answer that question – especially in light of the unexplainable deaths of so many people everyday – including my aunt and uncle (see post below), but I do know one reason

I still must have work in God’s Kingdom bringing process to complete. . . . and I do not plan on wasting any time pursuing things for only myself or even my family – because those motivations pale in comparison to God’s will, which I trust already has what is best for me AND my family. Now this does not mean that I must run myself into the ground with busyness – I fully believe there is a divine rhythm  for me – for all of us. . . . . and a rhythm is nothing without its pauses (times when there is a rest/silence).

That being said though . . . I am on a renewed drive to crank up the amp on my electric guitar and ROCK! . . . .seriously, what is there to fear? . . . failure – no, because I believe that the only true failure is inaction, stagnation, being lukewarm, refusing to give God what little I have – -remember, God can never use you to feed 5000 if you never give him the 2 fish!

I have not had time to think about it. . . .

Yes, I have cried. . . . I have wept with family. . . I have seen the surreal horror on their children’s faces. . . and I have seen the pummeled soul of my grandmother – one of the strongest people I know.

But, I have not had time to think – there was India, the start of the Sping semester, my teaching of 7 classes this semester, my greenLockers non-profit project, and more – no time. . . . . . . .   - until now.

On Dec. 26th, my Aunt Louie and Uncle Phil Rieman were travelling up North here for our annual get together. On their trip, their car soon slid on a patch of ice, and in an instance they were hit by a dumptruck. . . . they were gone. Their 3 grown children (in their 30s) decided to drive separately, and did not know what had happened until ~ 20 mintues away from our gathering place when they got the call from the Noblesville Sheriff.

For as long as I will live I will never forget the image of them walking into our gathering (with all the laughing, excited anticipation, joy, etc…) with souls shattered, weeping such heavy. . . heavy. . . tears of a loving sadness I know not of. . . . . . we cried, the whole family grieved so deeply that day – all day. . . . . . . . and then I left at 4am the next morning for India, and though I felt Phil and Louie’s presence with me – I knew that my closure was yet to come.

You see Phil and Louie Rieman were Kingdom of God bringers to this weary world in so many ways:

• missionaries to various parts of Africa for years
• integral components in trying to accomplish peace in U.S. neighborhoods as well as in the Sudan
• Pastors of multiple churches – with their last being in Indianapolis
• activists for peace and justice nationally and internationally
• unbelievalbly loving parents, and a tremendous Aunt and Uncle
• Frugal, so that they could share all that they have with those in need
• Inspirations to tens of thousands of people as they were national leaders in their church’s denomination
• A true neighbor to all of their neighbors
• etc. . .

Seriously, the list could just keep going on and on . . . . they were On Mission for God. . . they were making amazing things happen here up until their very last day. . . . they were soooo faithful, and they were such dear friends of Ang and I. . . . I miss them very much, and I miss their hope – their spirit – their overwhelming capacity to find joy in all parts of life – their smiles – their laughter – the light that shined so brightly in their eyes – their refreshing authenticity - their plans and actions to help others feel loved – their hugs – and maybe most of all, their revolutionary, contagious, and inspiring love of God and all of His/Her creation. . . . . . . well done Phil and Louie. . . . well done my good and faithful servants.

My cousin wrote an amazing letter that he read at their memorial – and I want to share it with you now:

Louie and Phil,                                                    29 December 2008

This is still not real. The stories pour forth. Rolling in with strength, wisdom, laughter, and truth exuding the realness and fullness of the love that is the essence of you. This hurts. So bad. The tears keep flowing, the heart keeps aching, and this family, this community, this world is missing 2 of its most wondrous and willing servants.

I know that you are smiling. Showering the world in rainbows of extravagant and unconditional love. We who knew you understand the blessing of being touched by each of you in new ways. To hear the countless beautiful Louie and Phil stories is to more deeply know your lives that were so fully lived. What a wonder that in death we feel so close to your LIFE. Hundreds, thousands who were touched and loved by you. Our lives made better by even one simple interaction. You are two people of such passion, love, courage, conviction. You have truly changed us. You have truly changed the world.

Heidi says she knows you are in the heaven that you imagined. I know that this is true as I feel your radiance and inclusive love in every thought and step and breath. This does not erase the pain. You are gone way too soon. You were heaven on earth kind of people and there was so, so much more living to be done.

I keep speaking of you in the present tense. I think I always will. I see, I feel your spirits alive and as real as the music that is in me, as real as the earth beneath my feet. So real in your beloved children.

Your spirits are Real in Ken, strong and gentle, with big wonderful arms to embrace the wholeness of this wondrous world. To laugh, to play, to inspire, to engage, for this life is too precious to live with regrets. Contagious charisma. Tender and true. His father’s curiousity, his mother’s sense of justice. There are dreams to dream and visions to profess.

Your spirits are Real in Tina, loyal, loving, adventurous, honest. Joy her middle name. In her, joy comes alive and life lessons learned are too beautiful to hold to oneself. Only when shared do they fully bloom. Her mother’s realness, her father’s boldness. A friend who knows what it really means to be a friend.  With the courage to let others in and the openness to Be, she is One who blesses each corner of the world she passes through leaving community, strong and rich.

Your spirits are Real in Cheri, teacher of life. Dancer, cook, artist, maker of home and sacred space. Powerful, generous, magical, with the humor and cuteness to constantly amaze. Her father’s genius, her mother’s compassion. Full of conviction. Seeker of truth. We learn from her. We learn the good stuff, the essence of life kind of stuff.

Your spirits are Real in us, those who knew you. Our world is brighter, more fully just, radiant, more full of laughter, spirit-filled, more fully loved. The spark of phil and louie is in each of us. We know what you would have us do. Love more fully, walk more humbly, embrace the divine that breathes all around us and rejoices within in each of us.

Visions come. Louie, I see you under an African sky, dancing, running as fast as the cheetah, as swift as the wind. Everything is so, so beautiful. Choirs sing as the most glorious bird sings. Effortless, rich, and right. The space between vanishes. You know this hug. This hug is real. Is comfort. Is full.  Is unconditional. Is forever.  Love is the language and you one of its master teachers. Fluent, poetic, lyrical.  And the chocolate. Oh, the chocolate. Who knew it could be so sweet.

Visions come. Phil, I hear your laughter rising full with the power to heal the deepest wound, the power to bridge the widest chasm. Your prayer spills forth to hold you, hold Louie, hold each other but to never forget. Never forget to hold those in every land from the Congo, to Sudan, Columbia to Palestine, Indianapolis to Iowa. To hold the soldier, the police officer, the IRS worker, the person sitting next to you on the plane, the neighbor, the friend. Those gentle, tender, calloused hands, that know so well how to turn things to gold. Abundant are the gardens. Brilliant the carpenter’s creations. Gut-achingly hilarious the jokester’s mischievous trail. Strong and kind the guitar notes ring. We thank you very kindly…we thank you very kindly.

Louie and Phil. Phil and Louie. We love you so, so much. We miss you terribly. You taught us a fearless love that inspires and challenges us every day. We feel your love and know that you are here. With us.  We rejoice in your lives lived here on earth. It is the spirit and pieces of you in each of us that we now carry forth. With gratitude. With passion. With love. With love.

Written by Chris Good, read at Memorial Service for Phil and Louie Baldwin Rieman 1/31/08

God really seems to up to something lately. . . . and though I can’t tell you yet about it – trust me. . . you will be the first to know (ok 2nd technically, because I will tell my wife first   )

I will give you 3 clues though - St. Joseph County, greenLockers, and these:

DON’T THROW THEM AWAY OR RECYCLE THEM YET!!!! I AM GOING TO WANT THEM FOR MY PROJECT!. . . . . and your neighbors’ too

One of the things that has always struck me as I have come back from international mission experiences (Mexico twice, Jamaica, and Nigeria) is a deep sense of guilt in the wastefulness of the American culture, and even in my own life. This is natural considering the fact that usually in these places we were working with people who had little to no food, little clothing, little education, little resources and opportunities at all. Now, in the past this has driven me to become more frugal because I had a brokenness/an ache for these individuals and their physical needs. It has made me sad – even angry at U.S. culture which encourages us all to just need more stuff – bigger stuff, newer stuff, the best stuff. . . . . . . but this time was different. . . .

did we see people in India with little to no resources? . . . yes, absolutely! . . . .

But my ache is different this time. . .

This time it springs from the ease at which they form relationships and the difficulty with which we TRY and form relationships in our culture. . . . . . Don’t get me wrong. . . I still yearn for God’s provision in Indian lives, but my deep sadness is rooted in what WE are missing – let me try and explain:

In all cultures, there are certain assumptions we make relationally when meeting new people. . . . and here lies fundamental differences between U.S. culture and much of the world.

In Indian culture that we encountered, the relational foundation is built on honesty, truth, openness, and trust. . . they actually assume that when you are talking – you are telling the truth, that you are being honest, and that you are trustworthy with their thoughts and feelings. . . astounding isn’t it! . . . . . Mutual vulnerability and respect. . . so simple. . . so effective. . . so refreshing.

In American culture, our default relational foundation is built on skepticism. . . when we meet someone, we question everything that is said – so if it is a compliment, our assumptions are things like: “they are just saying that to be nice, they don’t really mean it”, “what do they want from me?”, ” they’re just trying to get on my good side”, etc… In our culture, we feel like this is the only way that we can be protected from the backstabbing and betrayal that is so frequent here. We put so much effort into deciphering whether or not we can trust ANYTHING that someone else says, and to be honest. . . . many times we just decide that it is not worth the effort, and the relationship just plateaus on a facade of interest and care – when really not much of those are ever given or received. . . . .

So, do you realize how both refreshing and devastating it is to form a relationship in India in the matter of hours that is at a level that I have not achieved with some relationships over the course of years!!!. . . . . 

Different foundations. . . . drastically different results. . . . the first risks your heart, but the second risks never knowing true intimacy. . . . . which will we choose to risk?

I was very blessed to be able to spend a lot of time together with two other gentlemen on this trip to India – each on their first international mission experience. Let me tell you a little bit more about them . . . .

This first guy is very gifted and humble . . . in fact, many of you have seen him perform on stage at GCC, but that is not what I am talking about when I say that he is gifted. No, what I am talking about is his heart – that may sound like a cliche, but let me explain. . . . He consistantly, recklessly puts his heart out for Christ, reaching into the depths of suffering and compassion for those that are broken. Depths in which most of us never have the courage or ability to dive to, but it is here that I believe he experiences Christ in a way that I never will – it is so wonderful and refreshing to see. . . . I sure am glad we are on the same team, in relationship as brothers in Christ, on mission, seeking to know more about Christ and ourselves each and every day.

His gifting is not my gifting – the key (his skills, talent, ability, personality, etc…) to the door that opens him up to his purpose in Christ – is not my key. . .

As we chatted on this trip, he helped me come to an understanding that it is freeing to know that all our keys are of equal value. . . no matter what the world tells us – this is truth, and that truth will help set us all free from the comparative bondage that becomes a stifling obsession for many of us. So, I want to say thank you to Don Reynolds - for letting me be a part of your amazing and inspiring journey -

 The second guy is a father to three grown women, and a grandfather to 5 grandchildren, and is in a freefall down the age scale. On this trip, I saw him become a child again in many ways. . . wonderful ways. You know when Jesus talks about having faith like a child. . . well, several times I saw him out of the corner of my eye giggling with the little Indian children. . . . them coming up and sitting on his lap. . . . lightening flashes of excitment in his eyes. . . joy and contentment just being a part of this team that is making a difference. His heart was broken for the broken around him, his eyes knew the flow of compassion, and his mind was renewed in a focus of God’s perspective.

His life has been quite the adventure, but through chatting with him throughout this trip I have learned that it is so important to see others as God sees them. . . untarnished, beautiful, with great potential. . . regardless of what their past has been like. As a Christ follower, I am called to Love others first – with a lens that does not look behind the present. . . to focus more of my energy on how we can work together and the potential of “we” – shining the light of God’s love. His name is Ron Twedt – he’s my Father-in-law, and I couldn’t be prouder of him!!

So, I got back from India at 1:30 am yesterday morning, and right now I am about to teach my first lecture of the new Spring Semester. . . . there is so much to be said about the trip, and it will come . . . please be patient . . . Thank you so much for your prayers!!! God is on the move. . . and I have so many stories to share with you!

right now, I am reminded of my called vocation – there is much work to be done in the mission field of my classroom. I am honored to do it – here we go. . . . game day. . . . it’s go time baby!!!!