One of the things that has always struck me as I have come back from international mission experiences (Mexico twice, Jamaica, and Nigeria) is a deep sense of guilt in the wastefulness of the American culture, and even in my own life. This is natural considering the fact that usually in these places we were working with people who had little to no food, little clothing, little education, little resources and opportunities at all. Now, in the past this has driven me to become more frugal because I had a brokenness/an ache for these individuals and their physical needs. It has made me sad – even angry at U.S. culture which encourages us all to just need more stuff – bigger stuff, newer stuff, the best stuff. . . . . . . but this time was different. . . .

did we see people in India with little to no resources? . . . yes, absolutely! . . . .

But my ache is different this time. . .

This time it springs from the ease at which they form relationships and the difficulty with which we TRY and form relationships in our culture. . . . . . Don’t get me wrong. . . I still yearn for God’s provision in Indian lives, but my deep sadness is rooted in what WE are missing – let me try and explain:

In all cultures, there are certain assumptions we make relationally when meeting new people. . . . and here lies fundamental differences between U.S. culture and much of the world.

In Indian culture that we encountered, the relational foundation is built on honesty, truth, openness, and trust. . . they actually assume that when you are talking – you are telling the truth, that you are being honest, and that you are trustworthy with their thoughts and feelings. . . astounding isn’t it! . . . . . Mutual vulnerability and respect. . . so simple. . . so effective. . . so refreshing.

In American culture, our default relational foundation is built on skepticism. . . when we meet someone, we question everything that is said – so if it is a compliment, our assumptions are things like: “they are just saying that to be nice, they don’t really mean it”, “what do they want from me?”, ” they’re just trying to get on my good side”, etc… In our culture, we feel like this is the only way that we can be protected from the backstabbing and betrayal that is so frequent here. We put so much effort into deciphering whether or not we can trust ANYTHING that someone else says, and to be honest. . . . many times we just decide that it is not worth the effort, and the relationship just plateaus on a facade of interest and care – when really not much of those are ever given or received. . . . .

So, do you realize how both refreshing and devastating it is to form a relationship in India in the matter of hours that is at a level that I have not achieved with some relationships over the course of years!!!. . . . . 

Different foundations. . . . drastically different results. . . . the first risks your heart, but the second risks never knowing true intimacy. . . . . which will we choose to risk?