Perspective is often a funny fellow of sorts, now I am not talking about Ha, Ha funny, but strange, weird, different kind of funny – hold-on flashback!! – lol (if you don’t know what I’m talking about click HERE and go to the “Drama” tab – click on “I miss you money”). Now back to it. . . at times I am convinced he will stay (like coming back from a mission trip – or going through a trauma). . . other times I am seeking desparately for her but she is nowhere to be found. I’ve had a bit of a roller coaster with perspective over the past few weeks – and here are just some thoughts -

 1. I lost 2 tremendous friends in death, and could have been killed myself. . . . I have a baby coming in 7 weeks

2. I second guess the authenticity of comments from long-time friends . . . I trust completely in communication with an Indian comrad I met for only 2 days

3. I question God whether I am the man to potentially lead a world changing movement. . . . He says, give me your 5 loaves and 2 fish.

4. I have worked several days in a row 15 hours a day. . . . 2 of my friends lost their jobs, and another is waiting to here -

5. I have seen the despair on a Father’s face as he comes to grips with not being able to provide for his family. . . . I have seen the joy and excitement on a child’s face as Daddy comes home from work.

6. I have felt pushed close to my human capacity as if backed into a corner of a room in my own mind/heart that I have never been before. . . . but. . . in that seldom seen dark corner – I have discovered a new, very small doorway, that I had never noticed before, and it leads into a much bigger, larger, and brighter room.  

7. Jesus the only one to have every “right” to not have to “deal with people” especially those that “have issues” or a “past” or those who are “lost” . . . . was proud to be known as “friend of sinners.”

8. With #7 in mind, I am challenged by this perspective: If you want to find Jesus, spend time with the people that He spent time with.

9. I have been exhausted physically and emotionally. . . only to be reminded of  true exhaustion - through a conversation with someone who was/is lonely. . . no friends. . . no support. . . no real relationships . . . . . . to turn to cry and noone’s there to wipe away your tears.

10. Being humbled to new depths as I am faced with many “problems” of rapid growth amidst such a national tidal wave of despair. . . . I do not understand it. . . . I threw “fairness” out the window 5 weeks ago. . . . my conclusion. . . . my real, true, and only hope in any circumstance is to fall to my knees and cry out “Dad, please come and help, my family, my integrity, my marriage, my work, my relationships, my present, my future, my everything. . . . it was yours to begin with – I’m not real sure why I took it away from you, but. . . . I am giving it back now – it’s so much better off in your hands Dad.”