I can’t believe that in just a week, Dane Justice Bryant will be 4 months old. It is already hard to remember details of what life was like without him.  Here is my new favorite picture of him – he loves to smile a lot, and he even laughed for the first time the other night!!

Ang and I have no idea who Dane is going to become when he is older, and we know that the enemy is going to be throwing a lot at him and us throughout the whole journey, but we have come to some conclusions about this:

1. It is our responsibility as parents to be listening and watching for clues for Dane’s journey. . . without jumping to conclusions (that is the hard part)

2. We must show him Jesus through our behaviors and communication – how Ang and I act and speak to each other will be the primary model for interpersonal behavior and communication for the first 10 years of his life. This is not only because of frequency, but also because of authority and “assumed righteousness” (i.e., kids until about 7 tend to believe that most of what their parents due is “right”).

3. Once again, the popular developmental theoriest – Bandura, explained that so much of what children do as they grow up is based on modeling what they have seen in their environment. This idea of modeling transcends conventional definitions such as, “not swearing,” “not yelling”, and “treating others nicely” – of course those are nice, but just a basic start. Modeling how to live is so much more than that – including things like. . . .

demonstrating appropriate life rhythm (i.e., hard work but then vacations, Sabbath, general breaks, etc…),

conflict resolution (i.e., it is ok for parents to “fight” in front of their kids AS LONG AS they are using appropriate means of conflict resolution),

management of emotions – not just the lows, but the highs as well,

becoming a critical thinker capable of making wise decisions,

etc….

I could keep going on and on with this one, but as a start, Ang and I have decided to meditate on the fruits of the spirit – in order to try and not only show them more in our life, but also be able to label them for our kids when we see them doing one (or someone else expressing one of them). This type of labeling of emotions is called “emotional scaffolding.” The terminology is very appropriate because we are trying to build a repertoire of emotional labels for our children so that they may be highly emotionally intelligent as adults (which men, in particular, are often lacking).

Here are the fruits of the Spirit- received from Discipleshiptools.org http://discipleshiptools.org/apps/articles/default.asp?articleid=36690&columnid=41:

Fruit of the Spirit is Self-Control
Self-Control is allowing God to be in control of your will and heart and seeking the Spirit to enable us.

Not sure about you, but. . . . Ang and I have plenty of work cut out for us in chasing after these fruits with all that we are so that. . . . . our kids can be all that they were meant to be.

It is time for the greenLockers distribution days of almost 9000lbs of supplies!!

Do you have a charity that could use school supplies and clothes??

I have included the critical information below, but you can find out all of the details HERE

Here is just a small portion of around 9000 lbs of supplies that we collected this year.

I can’t wait to see how much positive change we can bring to our local and global community through the supplies this year!!

WHAT:

The new and slightly used school supplies, clothes and workbooks collected this year by greenLockers will be available for distribution to local charities. The collection of supplies from 17 local school’s “locker clean-out days” totals nearly 9,000 pounds and has already been sorted and organized based on quality and function. All supplies are FREE for those charitable organizations that come to the distribution days after filling out an application at the Web site www.greenlockers.org under the “wishlist application tab.” Supplies will ONLY be given to individuals representing charitable organizations. Distribution of the supplies will occur on a first come/first serve basis.

WHY:

There is tremendous need right now in our area on many levels and too often that may result in community organizations being under resourced. These distribution days provide an opportunity for local charities, who already are connected with the needs in our community, to get some basic materials for FREE.

WHEN:

Friday June 19 and Saturday, June 20, from 9 a.m.-2 p.m.

WHERE:

Our warehouse located at 2600 Marina Drive in Elkhart, Indiana – just West of the intersection of CR6 and CR 15.

WHO:

greenLockers is a non-profit organization that was founded by Dr. Ted Bryant in the Spring of 2006. greenLockers resources students locally, nationally, and internationally through the distribution of school supplies. New and slightly-used school supplies (and clothes) are collected from area schools during their year-end locker clean-out days. In this way, greenLockers not only facilitates education, but it also enables students to help build community, gain courage, and break out of cycles of poverty that they may have been stuck in for generations.

Equipping students…moving the world forward

As I mentioned a few posts ago – Ang and I are NOT PERFECT, and we have a lot to learn about parenting, but we also have a lot of knowledge and experience in the area, and we want to share that with you all. . . . . . BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE NOONE IS TALKING ABOUT GOOD PARENTING ANYMORE – and well, . . . . that is kind of frustrating to us

For those of you who may not know us very well let me give you our background (i.e., reasons why I think we have some ability to speak on these issues). Besides our 4 children (5.5, 4, 2, 3 months), Ang. is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) working 6 years at the counseling center at St. Marys College. She has also worked with the Stars Parenting network in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and recently helped establish intervention curriculum for kids coming from “troubled” homes. In addition, she teaches several courses at Bethel College including Parenting among others like Crisis Intervention, and other human services courses.

As for me, I have my PhD. in Cognitive Psychology, and teach full time at Bethel courses like Child Growth and Development, LifeSpan Growth and Development, and Adolescent Growth and Development. I have also had the privilege to work with/guide middle school and high school students for the past 9 years through the following activities: Manger of teen workers on the inner city, North side of Milwaukee, Social worker on the inner city, South side of Milwaukee for first time juvenile delinquents, Alternative high school teacher for grades 9-12 in inner city Milwaukee, youth group adult volunteer leader for 6 years, middle school camp counselor for 5 years – - what a blessing those experiences have been.

AGAIN – we still have a lot to learn, but we want to share what we know, so, let’s start with kids throwing fits

Kids are going to have fits – that’s ok, they are exploring their transition into both verbal and physical modes of expressing emotion. Overall, what this means is that . . . your child is NORMAL; however, how you as a parent interpret and react to these fits can make your life easier or more difficult.

1. It doesn’t mean you are bad parent – in fact, many times you are just following through with a rule/warning that you gave them just minutes earlier. It is that consistency in “following through” with things that you say that actually helps make you a very good parent!

2. It doesn’t mean your child is out of control. They are disappointed because they are not able to get something that they want, and they do not have the vocabulary/self control to express it verbally until around 4 or so. In fact many of us throw fits. . . they just look very differently (sometimes) with all our “adult” mannerisms. During their prime years of 2 and 3, fits can occur quite frequently, but if you think they are happening too much check these things first A) are they getting enough sleep? (usually, 10-12 hours) B) are you consistent in following through with what you say?, or do you “give in” to the child’s fits (e.g., saying they must eat their vegetables before getting a treat, but then eventually letting them have one anyway, etc… I will do much more on “meal time” in a later post) – By the way. . . .YES, the children do remember these occasions where you “gave in”, which will make it even harder next time to get the behavior that you want out of your child. C) are they eating healthy foods? – they can only run on the fuel they are given, and your car would get really cranky too if you but in Diesel instead of unleaded. D) are they getting enough exercise? many times fits last longer than necessary because children have a lot of energy that has not been released elsewhere. E) are they getting enough of your attention? Children need one on one attention, you, as the parent, on their level playing/exploring/being silly with them. Sometimes, fits are a result of a child’s need for attention from the ones they love the most – YOU. By the way watching TV with them does not count for much -

3. Don’t let fits make you lose control. They are disappointed in not being able to do something – you might be the only one there, and so they take it out on you. . . . now, in adult world we call this “scapegoating” and far too often, we use much more complicated ways of pulling this off – many of which, are intentional. That child loves you so much – don’t misread their actions. . . . .I mean sure, if an older child or an adult was doing what that 2 year old was doing then there would be some serious issues, but. . . . step out of your adult world, and enter the child’s – they are not intentionally trying to make you mad. . . . . . so don’t give them control of your emotions – choose to be the one that remains under control, so that they will watch and learn – and know how to remain under control themselves. . . . who else are they going to learn self-control from??!!! .

4. They do not know what is best for them – you do. If they throw a fit, it does not mean that all of a sudden they have somehow grown up from 2 to 50 and are an expert in this area – NO, you know what is best for them (that is part of our responsibility as parents – to read, learn from each other – what is actually the best for our children!), and you should NOT give into their fits – if you do. . . you are surrendering your authority as a parent (more on this in a later post). It is ok in a CALM way – to reassure them that Mommy/Daddy knows what’s best for them, and that they can trust Mommy/Daddy (e.g., if it is a food item – you can say something like ”Mommy/Daddy knows what’s best for your body – so you can grow healthy and strong like Mommy and Daddy).

5. It is ok to find quiet humor in them. Many times finding humor can be the choice of emotion for me instead of anger. Now, you obviously do not want to laugh at your children, but I often think to myself (or talk it over with Ang later) how good that particular fit ranks with some other ones that I have seen, and this often helps me keep a level head, and the less I get worked up, the less time the child will be worked up. . . . remember they are learning by watching us and our reactions. The less they see you lose it – the more they will keep it.

As far as fits go – here are our children during their prime fit years of 2 and 3:

Elliana had the classic melt to the floor – as if she completely lost all muscle control and simple crumples – crying

Kya had the running to the nearest corner of the room while crying and yelling a little bit – and he would just bury himself in the corner

Dakota has two right now – one is the strong “NO” while taking a swat/swing in the general direction of the person – and having a very stern look on his face, and the second one is running into the living room crying, and then throwing himself onto the ottamen – burying his face into it

Here is the video of the second fit – caught on tape last night

Looking forward to this journey together  – please feel free to share comments so that we can all learn together.

So, we knew that we were in for a full weekend, and it was awesome – let me give you a picture guide through it all.

Friday – to Fort Wayne for one of my best college friend’s wedding (Eric) – here are the kids playing on the steps outside the church

Here they are taking a breather . . . . . gearing up for dancing aka. the reception

Picture of Eric and I – yes, he was that happy , and I was excited for the cake line!

Picture of Angela with one of her closest friend’s in college (Tricia)

There is really never a bad time for a family photo!! Oh, in case you were wondering the younger two were back at the hotel with Justine (a Bethel student who often babysits for us – she was great this weekend!)

Saturday – Hitting the hotel pool for an early swim –

it happened to be Dane’s first swim ever. . . ok so he was barely in the water. . . . but it still counts!!!

Off to the Fort Wayne Zoo – love being S. Bend zoo members, half off of the price here!

In honor of their aunt Nichole and Uncle Aaron (in Zimbabwe right now), we started off here:

Here is the giraffe – amazing!!!

Here is Kya feeding the giraffe – just crazy!!

Here is the sky ride – neither kid was scared at all! – They loved being able to fly like a bird. . . .

Here is Justine playing around with Dakota

Just some other of my favorite pix from the zoo

The carousel is always a fan favorite – not sure what Elliana is riding?? But Kya was pretty pumped about his Kung Fu Panda!

Here is Dane after being told that the little known fact that 10% of a Komodo dragon’s diet is other Komodo dragons!

Here he is after being told that he is big and strong and could easily fight off a Komodo dragon with his bare hands

Back at home after a long weekend. Using the map, the kids are trying to recap the whole adventure at the zoo for Dane, since he was asleep for most of it – Dane is just trying to get a really close look at it all!

It was a great adventure – as one of my friends would say. . . . we were Making Memories!!

So, this video has been floating around facebook quite a bit, and so you might have already seen it, but I thought it was very worthwhile, and I hope that you get something out of it today. Today is our 9th anniversary!!! I am so thankful that God let me take care of Ang until “death do us part.” On this very special day in our lives, we want to make sure that everyone knows that we have a long way to go before becoming God’s perfect masterpieces – both together and individually – and this video relates to that.

You know, at the end of my wedding vows that I wrote to Ang, I said, “Angela Marie, you are a masterpiece, and together, we will bring peace to the Master.” – We are pushing forward with that mission. . . . it will not be easy. . . but it WILL BE WORTH IT! - we can’t wait for the adventure that God has in store for us in the next 9 years!!!!

Here are a few things that I really love about this video:

1. chiseling is painful

2. “most of My children just want to talk”

3. “Can you just chisel where I want?” – “that is control”

4. Who do you see in the mirror in the morning?, at noon?, at night?

5. “Can we take a time-out?” . . . . “control or chisel?”

6. “you go to these empty wells whenever you are _______, but they do not work!”

7. “I made you good”

8. My favorite . . .at 4:50

9. “you have listened to so many voices for too long that are not of ME.”

10. “It’s more than a name. . . . it’s a name above all names.”

11. “you bought into the lie thinking that everything was going to be easy when you said yes to ME. . . that’s not how it works”

I know that I will not ever fully understand how God can love us all so much, even though we mess up over and over again. . . . but I accept that grace – and I am determined to live in that renewal today.

Wow- it has been a long month and a half, but I am ready to get back into the swing of blogging again . This semester ends a period of time that might have been one of the most refining times of my life thus far. . . but, we’ll get to that some other time

 I thought about catching you up on everything, but that would take a book, not a blog – plus, I know some of you have been following me on twitter – and greenlockers on twitter too – so, I am just going to start with a top 10 list of things that I have learned in the last month and half:

10. Lasik is a modern day miracle – seriously going from 20/600 to 20/15 over the course of 5 minutes. . . . . . . . come’on that’s just crazy!

9. God’s adventure (i.e., greenLockers) is wilder than I ever could have imagined

8. Not much compares to seeing a “smaller than average” middle school student encouraging his “much larger” peers to not waste schools supplies, but to donate them instead, and he did not know that I was watching

7. I don’t hear anyone talking about parenting in a positive light – about how wonderful it is to be a Dad or a Mom – I plan on changing that a little bit (get ready for . . . . “parenting tips” – coming soon to this blog ). I figured my wife is currently teaching college course called “Parenting” and I teach Child Growth and Development as well as Adolescent Growth and Development – though we ourselves still have a lot to learn, and are NOT perfect by any means!!!! – we also have a lot to share

6. This is one of my favorite pictures of Kya so far – love his Spirit

5. My wife does not get even a 10th of the credit that she deserves. . . – Here is Dane smiling at her during bath time – yeah, he loves her!

4. I am excited about the God’s plan to use the Church (with all of her quirks) to move His kingdom forward. Here are some middle schoolers from GSM cleaning out 800 bins. . . in the rain!

3. The heart of Bethel students continues to impress me – countless students gave up time and effort to FREELY give up parts of their summer for greenLockers

2. Absolutely NOTHING compares to “intentional use of time” and “open communication” when a family is running fully on mission (i.e., the busy, stressful times of the “six days” before the “7th day” rest period) 

1. Blogging and many other “good” things/opportunities are important to me for many reasons, but my family is more important – specifically, being the best husband and father that I can be  – - WILL ALWAYS take precedent over me saving my public face. – here is a picture after Dane’s dedication at church.