I can’t believe that in just a week, Dane Justice Bryant will be 4 months old. It is already hard to remember details of what life was like without him. Here is my new favorite picture of him – he loves to smile a lot, and he even laughed for the first time the other night!!
Ang and I have no idea who Dane is going to become when he is older, and we know that the enemy is going to be throwing a lot at him and us throughout the whole journey, but we have come to some conclusions about this:
1. It is our responsibility as parents to be listening and watching for clues for Dane’s journey. . . without jumping to conclusions (that is the hard part)
2. We must show him Jesus through our behaviors and communication – how Ang and I act and speak to each other will be the primary model for interpersonal behavior and communication for the first 10 years of his life. This is not only because of frequency, but also because of authority and “assumed righteousness” (i.e., kids until about 7 tend to believe that most of what their parents due is “right”).
3. Once again, the popular developmental theoriest – Bandura, explained that so much of what children do as they grow up is based on modeling what they have seen in their environment. This idea of modeling transcends conventional definitions such as, “not swearing,” “not yelling”, and “treating others nicely” – of course those are nice, but just a basic start. Modeling how to live is so much more than that – including things like. . . .
demonstrating appropriate life rhythm (i.e., hard work but then vacations, Sabbath, general breaks, etc…),
conflict resolution (i.e., it is ok for parents to “fight” in front of their kids AS LONG AS they are using appropriate means of conflict resolution),
management of emotions – not just the lows, but the highs as well,
becoming a critical thinker capable of making wise decisions,
etc….
I could keep going on and on with this one, but as a start, Ang and I have decided to meditate on the fruits of the spirit – in order to try and not only show them more in our life, but also be able to label them for our kids when we see them doing one (or someone else expressing one of them). This type of labeling of emotions is called “emotional scaffolding.” The terminology is very appropriate because we are trying to build a repertoire of emotional labels for our children so that they may be highly emotionally intelligent as adults (which men, in particular, are often lacking).
Here are the fruits of the Spirit- received from Discipleshiptools.org :
Fruit of the Spirit is Love
Love enables us to appreciate our family and all those around us. Love is taking the initiative to build up and meet the needs of others without expecting anything in return.
Fruit of the Spirit is Joy
Joy will allow us to enjoy my relationship with Christ, His creation, others, and our circumstances with an expression of delight and real, authentic happiness from and with harmony with God and others.
Fruit of the Spirit is Peace
Peace is surrendering and yielding ourselves to the Lord to be in His control, for He is our ultimate peace! Allowing tranquility to be our tone and control our composure.
Fruit of the Spirit is Patience
Patience is showing tolerance and fortitude toward others, even accepting difficult situations from them, and God, without making demands or conditions.
Fruit of the Spirit is Kindness
Kindness is the medium through which Christ’s love becomes tangible through us. It is practicing benevolence and a loving attitude towards others.
Fruit of the Spirit is Goodness
Goodness is the engagement of love! It displays integrity, honesty and compassion to others and allows us to do the right thing.
Fruit of the Spirit is Faithfulness
Faithfulness is the “gluing” fruit that will preserve our faith and the other characters of the Spirit and identify God’s will so we can be dependable and trusting to God and others.
Fruit of the Spirit is Gentleness
Gentleness is the character that will show calmness, personal care, tenderness and the Love of Christ in meeting the needs of others.
Fruit of the Spirit is Self-Control
Self-Control is allowing God to be in control of your will and heart and seeking the Spirit to enable us.
Not sure about you, but. . . . Ang and I have plenty of work cut out for us in chasing after these fruits with all that we are so that. . . . . our kids can be all that they were meant to be.
Comments
GOOD stuff, Ted. I like the idea of labeling emotions, I hadn’t considered that consciously (though we’ve done a bit of it).
Modeling certainly goes far beyond just words and actions. I’ve noticed my kids pick up on attitudes and reflect them, even when I think I’m “doing” or “saying” the right things. It’s rather dismaying at times to see my own attitude coming right back at me. I suppose I’m just grateful God has opened my eyes to see it. Often I am convicted by my own words as I correct my children. It’s humbling… but I am grateful. The refining process (within ourselves) never ends! 