Amidst these very busy times in my life right now, I wanted to put forth some of the thoughts I have had (or been reminded of) recently:

1. If God asked me to give up _________, could I?

2. An “idol” is anything in which I find a source of security, identity, and comfort in outside of God’s will - where and what am I putting more trust in than God today. . . right now?

3. Really? . . . . . people who treat you and me like complete junk. . . . they’re just hurting – hurt people hurt people.

4. Why do I sometimes feel the need to exaggerate the truth – to make it sound like “it” was bigger, better, or brighter than what it actually was. . . in a way, . . . am I saying to God that the witness he gave to me is not good enough??

5. Why sometimes do I have to act like I saw “it” coming. . . when I didn’t. . . . or act as if I already know something . . . when I don’t. . . .   . . in a way, am I telling God that He can’t teach me anything?

6. In showing that you care – Initiating communication/time to be with that person is priceless

7. No matter how others treat me, or what the world is doing to me . . . .I refuse to take refuge in the snowballing comfort of being a “victim”, where complaining and excuses reign.

8. If there are 2 or more gathered in God’s name and I do not feel His presence. . . it’s on me, because He’s there.

9. There is a fine line between believing the lie that “I don’t have what it takes” and the lie that “On my own, I do have what it takes” – that line is where God and I can really do some damage to darkness.

10. I can’t wait to hear Jesus laugh

I am not a perfect parent . . . and I will never claim to be. I do have 3 (soon to be 4) small children of my own, and I teach Child Growth and Development, Adolescent Growth and Development, School-age Growth and Development, and Lifespan Growth Development here at Bethel College. . . . so, I am allowing a little room for me to speak on the issue.

PARENTS, we can do better on many things – I’m picking 5:

1. pay attention to our children – listen to them like we care (i.e., eye contact, etc…). Do we realize how simple it is for children to understand. . . . . “Mommy/Daddy have choices – just like I have choices. . . . I like to choose what I want to do. . . what’s important to me. . . . . . if mommy/daddy chooses TV, work, cell phone, internet, chores, etc… – then it must mean those things are more important than me. . . . they must want to do those things more than pay attention/play with me. . . . “. – parents we can do better.

   – do we all need breaks, are there things that need to get done - absolutely, but if this is the consistent pattern - there is no doubt about the message that we are sending.

2. Do what we want our children to do –  we can talk all we want, but all the research that I know says over and over and over – the most powerful and frequent way that children learn is through imitation and modeling. . . translation – “do what I say, not what I do” – NOT GOING TO CUT IT!!  

So, if we want our children to be better TV/movie watchers than readers/creative thinkers/problem solvers/relationship makers, etc… - we know what to do, . . .  if we want them learn how to just do enough hard work to “get by” – then go ahead and lets show them, . . . . if we want them to learn how to be an expert at complaining then let’s keep it up, . . . .  if we want them to learn how to take first and give/serve/ask later. . . . then don’t ever let them see you serve or give without getting anything in return, . . . . if we want them to not know how to resolve conflict in relationships, marriage or just general frustrations. . . then we should continue to blow up and just accuse people, . . . . .if we don’t want them to know how much more of life they can experience and enjoy if they are a physically healthy – then we should never let them see us exercise or eat right, . . . .if we don’t want them to understand the value of good physical contact/comfort – then never hug them, never hold them. . . . .If we don’t want them to know how important our faith, the bible, our husband, our wife is. . . . then never talk about them - -  at least not in a positive way, . . . . and if we don’t want them to know how much we love’em – then by all means . . . . never tell’em.

BUT IF WE WANT THE OPPOSITE FOR OUR CHILDREN – then know. . . . . it needs to start with us. . . and it can! – we can do better.

3. Monitor what goes in and how often - this is a tough one, because I am not one to say that “we should shelter our children” – so let me explain with some academic stuff. What is stored in our Long Term Memory (LTM)?  The things that really last are things that are important to us in some way (i.e., relevant, useful in life, etc…), and the primary way of getting things from short term memory (STM) into LTM is through repetition (i.e., rehearsing information, stories, people’s names and faces, etc…). So, in a sense, . . .  anything that gets repeated enough has a semi-free pass into LTM, which means it will likely be tagged as “important” – useful in our life. . . trustworthy in some sense. . . . . the question is then. . . . what is repeated that much in our children’s lives – relationships, parental dialogue, adult TV/movies, very violent video games, etc…. - – Their filter of processing information is NOT THE SAME as ours – - and know, that if repeated enough. . . one of two things will happen as the information is stored in LTM - 1). they will come to think that it’s ok – and thus, start to apply those modelled behaviors as trustworthy in their life 2). they will become numb to them, and in essence, lose their ability to see how damaging such behaviors could be. – - – again, this is a tough one, but trying to walk this fine line is worth the effort – we can do better.

4. Let them play - most of the major cognitive-learning theorists agree that “play” is the best way for young children especially, to learn new information – not football lessons at age 2, or piano at age 3. . . . these are ok too, but repeatedly – we have seen that children take in more information during “structured play” than during some of these other “lesson” activities. In fact, much research suggests that around 6  is when “lessons” can start to be most effective, and children that have “not had lessons” before this time – are able to “catch up” easily. . . . we can do better.

5. Keep sports fun – let’s not embarress ourselves and our children by acting certain ways at sporting events. I know that many of us think that we are just “helping” the referee see things so that he/she can call a better game, or that we are just “encouraging” our kids to do better by pointing out their flaws “or areas of improvement”, or just rewarding them about their good job by paying them money, etc….. – - – - that is not how it works . . . . time and time again, children are hurt and embaressed by our actions – so much so that they may rather quit something they used to love just so they wouldn’t feel the eyes of their teamates when we (the parents) yell during games, or because of the pressure they feel to perform, or because they no longer are free to just have fun. . . .

I have witnessed these things as a child, young adult, and as a parent – we can do better!

I saw this commercial and it struck me -

BUT, I really do believe that we ALL can do better – these are not just our children, they are the hope of the future. . . . our future. . .

For example, there is such value in sports – team/collectivist mindset, learning to share the burden of defeat and the celebration of victory with others, work ethic, fun, enjoying your abilities, creating great memories of all that happens on your bus trips, etc……

This is how my love of sports collides passionately with my role as a father. I feel like this video (thanks Corey) really brings out the best in all of us. Watch the teenagers come together – listen to the words of the Father. . . . I think God was really smiling about this

One of the things that has always struck me as I have come back from international mission experiences (Mexico twice, Jamaica, and Nigeria) is a deep sense of guilt in the wastefulness of the American culture, and even in my own life. This is natural considering the fact that usually in these places we were working with people who had little to no food, little clothing, little education, little resources and opportunities at all. Now, in the past this has driven me to become more frugal because I had a brokenness/an ache for these individuals and their physical needs. It has made me sad – even angry at U.S. culture which encourages us all to just need more stuff – bigger stuff, newer stuff, the best stuff. . . . . . . but this time was different. . . .

did we see people in India with little to no resources? . . . yes, absolutely! . . . .

But my ache is different this time. . .

This time it springs from the ease at which they form relationships and the difficulty with which we TRY and form relationships in our culture. . . . . . Don’t get me wrong. . . I still yearn for God’s provision in Indian lives, but my deep sadness is rooted in what WE are missing – let me try and explain:

In all cultures, there are certain assumptions we make relationally when meeting new people. . . . and here lies fundamental differences between U.S. culture and much of the world.

In Indian culture that we encountered, the relational foundation is built on honesty, truth, openness, and trust. . . they actually assume that when you are talking – you are telling the truth, that you are being honest, and that you are trustworthy with their thoughts and feelings. . . astounding isn’t it! . . . . . Mutual vulnerability and respect. . . so simple. . . so effective. . . so refreshing.

In American culture, our default relational foundation is built on skepticism. . . when we meet someone, we question everything that is said – so if it is a compliment, our assumptions are things like: “they are just saying that to be nice, they don’t really mean it”, “what do they want from me?”, ” they’re just trying to get on my good side”, etc… In our culture, we feel like this is the only way that we can be protected from the backstabbing and betrayal that is so frequent here. We put so much effort into deciphering whether or not we can trust ANYTHING that someone else says, and to be honest. . . . many times we just decide that it is not worth the effort, and the relationship just plateaus on a facade of interest and care – when really not much of those are ever given or received. . . . .

So, do you realize how both refreshing and devastating it is to form a relationship in India in the matter of hours that is at a level that I have not achieved with some relationships over the course of years!!!. . . . . 

Different foundations. . . . drastically different results. . . . the first risks your heart, but the second risks never knowing true intimacy. . . . . which will we choose to risk?