PARENTS, we can do better on many things – I’m picking 5:

1. pay attention to our children – listen to them like we care (i.e., eye contact, etc…). Do we realize how simple it is for children to understand. . . . . “Mommy/Daddy have choices – just like I have choices. . . . I like to choose what I want to do. . . what’s important to me. . . . . . if mommy/daddy chooses TV, work, cell phone, internet, chores, etc… – then it must mean those things are more important than me. . . . they must want to do those things more than pay attention/play with me. . . . “. – parents we can do better.

   – do we all need breaks, are there things that need to get done - absolutely, but if this is the consistent pattern - there is no doubt about the message that we are sending.

2. Do what we want our children to do –  we can talk all we want, but all the research that I know says over and over and over – the most powerful and frequent way that children learn is through imitation and modeling. . . translation – “do what I say, not what I do” – NOT GOING TO CUT IT!!  

So, if we want our children to be better TV/movie watchers than readers/creative thinkers/problem solvers/relationship makers, etc… - we know what to do, . . .  if we want them learn how to just do enough hard work to “get by” – then go ahead and lets show them, . . . . if we want them to learn how to be an expert at complaining then let’s keep it up, . . . .  if we want them to learn how to take first and give/serve/ask later. . . . then don’t ever let them see you serve or give without getting anything in return, . . . . if we want them to not know how to resolve conflict in relationships, marriage or just general frustrations. . . then we should continue to blow up and just accuse people, . . . . .if we don’t want them to know how much more of life they can experience and enjoy if they are a physically healthy – then we should never let them see us exercise or eat right, . . . .if we don’t want them to understand the value of good physical contact/comfort – then never hug them, never hold them. . . . .If we don’t want them to know how important our faith, the bible, our husband, our wife is. . . . then never talk about them - -  at least not in a positive way, . . . . and if we don’t want them to know how much we love’em – then by all means . . . . never tell’em.

BUT IF WE WANT THE OPPOSITE FOR OUR CHILDREN – then know. . . . . it needs to start with us. . . and it can! – we can do better.

3. Monitor what goes in and how often - this is a tough one, because I am not one to say that “we should shelter our children” – so let me explain with some academic stuff. What is stored in our Long Term Memory (LTM)?  The things that really last are things that are important to us in some way (i.e., relevant, useful in life, etc…), and the primary way of getting things from short term memory (STM) into LTM is through repetition (i.e., rehearsing information, stories, people’s names and faces, etc…). So, in a sense, . . .  anything that gets repeated enough has a semi-free pass into LTM, which means it will likely be tagged as “important” – useful in our life. . . trustworthy in some sense. . . . . the question is then. . . . what is repeated that much in our children’s lives – relationships, parental dialogue, adult TV/movies, very violent video games, etc…. - – Their filter of processing information is NOT THE SAME as ours – - and know, that if repeated enough. . . one of two things will happen as the information is stored in LTM - 1). they will come to think that it’s ok – and thus, start to apply those modelled behaviors as trustworthy in their life 2). they will become numb to them, and in essence, lose their ability to see how damaging such behaviors could be. – - – again, this is a tough one, but trying to walk this fine line is worth the effort – we can do better.

4. Let them play - most of the major cognitive-learning theorists agree that “play” is the best way for young children especially, to learn new information – not football lessons at age 2, or piano at age 3. . . . these are ok too, but repeatedly – we have seen that children take in more information during “structured play” than during some of these other “lesson” activities. In fact, much research suggests that around 6  is when “lessons” can start to be most effective, and children that have “not had lessons” before this time – are able to “catch up” easily. . . . we can do better.

5. Keep sports fun – let’s not embarress ourselves and our children by acting certain ways at sporting events. I know that many of us think that we are just “helping” the referee see things so that he/she can call a better game, or that we are just “encouraging” our kids to do better by pointing out their flaws “or areas of improvement”, or just rewarding them about their good job by paying them money, etc….. – - – - that is not how it works . . . . time and time again, children are hurt and embaressed by our actions – so much so that they may rather quit something they used to love just so they wouldn’t feel the eyes of their teamates when we (the parents) yell during games, or because of the pressure they feel to perform, or because they no longer are free to just have fun. . . .

I have witnessed these things as a child, young adult, and as a parent – we can do better!

I saw this commercial and it struck me -

BUT, I really do believe that we ALL can do better – these are not just our children, they are the hope of the future. . . . our future. . .

For example, there is such value in sports – team/collectivist mindset, learning to share the burden of defeat and the celebration of victory with others, work ethic, fun, enjoying your abilities, creating great memories of all that happens on your bus trips, etc……

This is how my love of sports collides passionately with my role as a father. I feel like this video (thanks Corey) really brings out the best in all of us. Watch the teenagers come together – listen to the words of the Father. . . . I think God was really smiling about this

So, I have been teaching Adolescent Growth and Development for 3 years now. . . I have helped out at the youth group at GCC for going on 7 years now. . . I have had countless encounters with students – trips, camps, teaching them, etc. . . ., but something has always gotten to me, you want to know what it is?. . . . . . . what was Jesus like as a Teenager? The bible doesn’t give us much – only 1 verse:

(No, I have not read this book) So, we know that he grew in “wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man” – growing in favor with God. . . no problem,. . . .  but what about with man??? Really, . . .  he grew in stature with Man???? What does that mean?? I know what it means in the junior highs and high schools around here – is it the same?? THEN IT HAPPENED – Holy Spirit time . . . . . . . . . . I asked my students in my class these questions: - was Jesus popular?, was he Prom King?, was he in the who’s who of Nazareth?, did he flirt with girls – if so how far, did he get frustrated with a zit?? Difficult questions right?? . . . . why so difficult? . . . . . NOT just because we don’t know the answer, but, I would argue that . . . . . . . . . the difficulty comes because it is the perfect mirror of what you think is right/wrong for a teenager to do. . . . . . it reveals all of your biases – all of our legalistic tendencies, b/c if Jesus didn’t sin. . . . then he did nothing wrong. . . . is it wrong to get frustrated with a zit, and to worry about what everyone is thinking when you walk into school???

Furthermore. . . hang with me here. . . . some students said, well, I think Jesus wouldn’t have gotten upset because He would have a different perspective that it’s not that big of a deal. . . . . really, . . . b/c if he was fully man – fully a teenager – then one of THE biggest characteristics of these years is that EVERYTHING is a big deal – so if he never felt that . . . . does that mean somehow he was not fully a teenager?. . . . . . . . ? . . . . . ? – it’s about this time that I saw my students’ minds’ turn into Jello. . . . . . so, I ended class by saying. . . so what do you think God is up to by not telling us the details of what Jesus did as a teen? . . . . . . They got up slowly, . . . . and as they regained motor control they slowly. . . . made it out the door. . . . and I praised God for visiting my class last Thursday .

So, . . . . . . . . what do you think????